Age, Looks, and Perception

I haven't written here for a long time. I basically took a three year hiatus from dating or even thinking about romantic situation outside of writing about them. My daughter specifically told me she didn't want me to date because she wasn't ready to watch me go through another breakup (though she's only really seen one that she remembers) and she doesn't want to share me with anyone. Understandable, as I am all she really has in terms of a solid daily presence in her life.

Earlier in September, I had met a beautiful man who was many years my senior and we went on a few "coffee dates". After the first one, he asked me if we could be discreet. I have no problem with discretion, and at the time I thought it was because we had some mutual friends whom he was reticent to expose his personal life around. The second meeting, was well less productive, it centered on his career and my opinions about his career. Not that I ever mind being someone's sounding board about their ideas and quandaries but when I really want to rip your clothes off, well this really wasn't what I wanted to chat about. That pretty much signaled for me that any progression was dead in the water and that I had wandered into friend and trusted confidant territory as I often do with men.

This situation reminded me of an encounter that I had with a younger man a few years back where I was also asked to keep quiet about our encounters because of the possible mutual friends that might have issue. I, gullible, agreed because well, I was very much infatuated with this person and I really wanted to be with this person. So I quickly backed off. We are friends now, I suppose, as I am with the other person I spoke of. But I digress. Basically my point is that I attempted romantic involvement with two people each with senior and junior age differences to me and neither one was promising.

I got bored in November of last year and decided to join Match.com again for a month, just because I don't like claiming definitives in my life. Meaning, I don't like to say never, and the only time I really say no to something is if it would adversely affect my health. That being said, the first person that I interacted with was so aggressive that because I didn't answer his text message within an hour, he told me he didn't have time to waste on someone that wasn't serious. Then there was the guy who still to this day is relentless about asking us to meet for coffee, then lecturing me when I can't commit to a time because of my kid's schedule that I need to learn how to have a life for myself, and then promising not to condescend on me but then gets mad when I don't want to go to a show at the Greek Theater. I mean if you pass judgment on me before you even meet me in person, it doesn't inspire a lot of confidence in me that you are going to understand anything about my life.

All in all Match.com was a bust because well the guys I like and the guys that like me are not one in the same. So I ended the membership. So now I am six months further into the year and I keep meeting amazing guys, or ones that think are amazing and I keep running into this issue where they are so amazed that I look so young, but then are quickly dismayed that I am 37 and a mother of a 9 year old. It would seem that from my perspective of being able to read people, their curiosity about me and the comments of "how cool I am" are quickly outweighed by the age and kid issue.

In fact, this one young buck that I was interacting with a few days ago, kept pressing the issue, "Are you sure you are 37? I could maybe give you 27 cause that is how old my sister is, but no way you are 37." "Yes, I am sure."  He asked me this like 5 times. So you wonder is it their youth that causes the issue, or is it my age? I don't want to go whine about why it's ok for men and not women. I actually understand why men do things they do in that direction (I don't necessarily agree with it). It seems to me that life works this way, you date the older person in your youth, then you marry or are with the person that you build a family with (usually are similar in age), then you go for the person that makes you feel young again, then you are with the person that you will spend the rest of your life with.

So with this ideology, I am in the state of 3. I just want to hang with young fun people who aren't full of life sucking doldrums that most people my age are in. But then again, maybe I already had that and now I am in 4 and don't realize it but others do and their wariness is based on this? Possibly, since we give off vibes that we are often unaware of.

So what does this mean for me? Who sits in this weird zone of looks young, but is really older with a kid? Is it the company that I keep? Because I am often surrounded by older or younger people that my options are also limited because of their perspective or lack of understanding of their prejudice?

It's all very interesting to me, and daunting when I think about maybe opening myself up to experiences again. To be honest, it doesn't look too promising.